The architecture of failure.

You have no idea what’s going on, do you? That it happened again, the exact same way as it did before–you have no idea! It was the same set up, the same trap, the same outcome, in the exact same timeline. Isn’t that a coincidence? Gosh, you may even have taken pleasure in sabotaging yourself all over again, just like you always have. Maybe you knew right from the start how it would not work, but you went in anyway. Just like you always do. But you know, deep down, that it’s all wrong. That this needs to stop one day. Now would be better. I hate to break to you but you have a pattern; the very signature of your failures. There’s a way out. But you need to read on;

The reason you repeat this pattern you got going on is because you refuse to see your nature as it is. You refuse to see past those stories you tell about yourself; most of them are illusions to keep you going. In reality, this is you preferring to stay unconscious and turning a blind eye to yourself. As your read these words I hope for your sake that you have a sense of what I’m talking about in you. I hope this feels like a mirror into your soul right. 

It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault because you’re just doing your best to be good, not to make waves, to make yourself as small as you need to be just to fit right in, and be accepted by other people who are just as unconscious as you are. Back to being a kid, huh? And I get why you do that, it’s how you generate safety and predicability in your world. But this is also why it is your fault. Your using the same old map you used as a kid to solve adult problems in a fast paced adult world. Deep down, you know exactly what the problems are in your life, and yet you do nothing. Nothing whatsoever. It’s just for funnsies! And you let it all run its course, the script flows as easily as it always has–the same start, the middle is familiar, and the end is predictable. Maybe next time I’ll learn. I’ll do it differently. But you always do the same old chess moves, because you don’t know to update your software. 

So now we’re here. In an honest moment I hope. You operate under the impression that you’re a “good” person. And you are good, most likely, that’s not the point. The point is that being “good” is your problem. Being “good”, is the same thing as being blindly obedient. And if only you obeyed something that made sense, something morale, Godly, eternal, transcendent, powerful then I would say go right ahead, move forth with that, keep pushing–but this is not what’s going on is it? A good person obeys the wrong leader; the tyrant. The usurpers. This obedience is a bug in the software of your mind to keep you predictable for your parents, and teachers, and now the whole of society so that you can pay your taxes so that we can keep doing the same old stuff we always have done without questioning. This obedience is deeply encoded in the very way you speak the language you speak. It is coded in you in what you think is allowed, and what you think is not allowed. What and who gives permissions, and how the punishments are dealt afterwards is beyond you–you’re just a player in the game, and you don’t take it too personally because you assume everyone else thinks just like you do.

You’re tired now. Maybe you’ve been beat down enough times now. You’ve met the tyrant, in you, you’ve realised something needs to change. And an old voice in you has said “enough”. That you need a break. Maybe you turn to God, or you turn to Yoga, or to activities outside of yourself that serve as the healing to your suffering. And it works. So well in fact that you could do it from years, and you might. But it’s not going to be enough because it’s just another coping mechanism; you are still seeking validation from those around you who ask you what it is you did this past weekend. Boom. You are right back at justifying yourself to others again, explaining yourself, reporting, submitting the referees of your homework like a good student hoping to get a good grade and not realising you're supposed to be in another school, or preparing to take a completely different sort of examination by year’s end. That’s the bottom of the barrel. There’s nothing else beneath this very point of your repeated failures; you kept seeking validation from people who are also seeking validation from authorities that are not honest. It becomes an endless loop of blind men leading other blind men into an unconsciousness spiraling out of life.

How do I spin out of this spiral? How do I flip the dynamic? How do I break the repetitions? You won’t like the answer. I promise you that you will come to hate these words because inside of you you resent truthful behaviour. But the truthful always win. That’s one answer; be honest. Focus on integrity, there’s no more lying! This is surprisingly the gateway that connects your inner world (your needs), and the external world (where they are matched). So in one simple sentence; Have the courage to be honest about what it is you need, and those needs will be met. Nobody needs a million dollars that’s why it doesn’t work to focus on becoming a millionaire. Wanting a million and needing a million, are two different things. You want it, but you don’t need it. You’ll chase it like validation, but the world will never match you in terms of wants, that’s not unique to you, wants aren’t essential, they are in the mind only, needs are in the body and the world can understand that dimension far better than what is in the mind alone. So you have needs of self volition for example– of self determinism, and not the illusion of it, the real embodied expression of your Love, and caring instinct, that’s what you give the world in exchange for more of the same. You get love by giving love because that is the language of the eternal. Don’t ask. Give. Give and you shall receive. It’s called reciprocity, that’s value, that’s tangible, the world understands and sees what you give, not what you want.

You could keep lying to yourself, that’s a whole essay on its own! Go ahead. Lie about who you are, about what it is you really need, what you think you want. In doing so, you will never become who you are. If you want to never become, be my guest, but know what it is your doing is an inferior life, with consequences of endless confusion, friction, and “failure”. 

The world always meets you in the middle. As you continue to lie about your needs, the world will misunderstand your wants (desires) as your needs. In other words, your wants are holdling you back from meeting your real needs, pleasure confuses the mind in a blur about who it is we are, and it reinforces the illusions we continue to tell ourselves. So focus instead on your needs, putting those out there instead of your wants. Something crazy that happens is you begin to realise that most people have more or less the same kinds of needs; affection, being fed, being creative, having safety, having basic respect. The other things we have been taught to excel in, in competing, performing, consuming, signaling, selling, etc, all that is just a ploy or behavior that work well to get you to find pleasures and wants. But they often come at the cost of what you actually need so then you’re unhappy even though you have a lot of things you want. That’s why some successful people are unhappy–it’s because they used these ploys to get what they wanted. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of successful people who are also happy, but often times, i argue, it is because they have have known to focus on getting what they needed from the world, instead of what they wanted. Successful entrepreneurs often tell us to chase the feeling, not the money for a reason. Love what you build, you won’t work another day in your life, that core idea comes from being aligned with your needs, and your heart calling the shots instead of being informed by the pleasures that exist and picking one at a time like an item from a store.

Feels impossible doesn’t it? That’s your mind still playing tricks on you out of panic, because this bug knows that once you’ve decided to let it all go, to go back to your core essence, to getting your needs met, that you will have died alongside it in transformaion, and into becoming your true self.